


A Delusional Dream

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey, the GazettE
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-12
Updated: 2009-04-12
Packaged: 2017-11-29 22:09:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/692033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru's been in love with Die for a long time, but Die has found Reita and is truly in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Delusional Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt[s]: 024: Hate for **50stories** and 053: Joke - Due April 14 - for y!weekly  
>  Beta: elyachan  
> Song[s]: " Haikei, Shinai Naru Anata he" by 176BIZ

Kaoru POV

Sometimes, he's all I can think about, all I can live for. There's a certain determination of truth in every action that is created, but also a bitter element of a lie just beneath that. Nothing is certain in this life... and worse, everything is limited.

It's the obscene exposure of a wound each time I let my eyes meet his. He knows and yet he ignores. The way he shifts just a little closer to that blonde bassist brat of his is built to make my blood boil, built to stab me with the deepest of pain. The agony is never complete until the redheaded love of my life tilts this other man's head and kisses him full on the lips, kisses him passionately and lovingly... and it's all a display for me, to hurt me.

I suppose I shouldn't blame him. Maybe I would rub it in his face if I found someone else, someone better, too. It's true that Reita is what he needs while I am not. But still, the universe is incredibly unfair in so many ways. I go out for a quiet drink _alone_ and have to find the two of them already across the smoky room. It has to be something like the universe's idea of a cruel joke.

The room hazes over and I get the impression of what my own face must look like as a waitress passes by with her silver tray. Hatred and jealousy reside upon my once compassionate and loving features. Pain streaks my cheeks and anger burns my eyes. Is it really so bad that I fell in love with someone off-limits to me? That the very rules I created are what prevent me from having him?

It's all a delusion, a perfectly fabricated dream... and I know it.

 

Die POV

He thinks I do it on purpose, he thinks I cause him pain to make him leave. But the truth of the matter is that I would never intentionally hurt him. I love him in my own way, just not in the way he loves me. I love him like a brother, like the solid part of my life that I can always rely on to be there. He loves me the way I love Reita - the kind of love that stems from an attraction and grows in leaps and bounds.

I've seen it coming, watched it grow for years. The thing is, I couldn't ever stop it. No matter what I did, as long as I was me, he just kept seeing me through those rose-colored glasses that no one else seemed to notice he was wearing. It pains me in a way, to know that I am everything to him and yet I don't return the feelings like that.

I kiss Reita to push Kaoru away, to show him who I have feelings for in that manner. Sometimes the truth is worse than a lie, but the lie would only hurt him more later. Reita's hand curls around my own and I flick my eyes over to him and smile warmly as he orders us another round. This is the man I love, the man that renders me incapable of rational thought in his presence.

And when I think about it, when I realize that this is what Kaoru feels when he's around me, I feel terrible for him. The look on his face across the room seeps of hatred and jealousy. Tears track down his face and I honestly think he has no idea he's letting them free. There is no sadness there, none at all. Bitter anger and pain have filled the spot where his heart once used to be.

And if I were a stronger man... I'd realize more than I do and free him from his dream.

**The End**  



End file.
